It seems that no matter how old we get, we’re all closet birthday lovers. Time can’t erase the childlike feeling of wonder you get when you find a pile of gifts just for you, the anticipation when the twinkling birthday candles light up your eyes, or the happiness of your loved ones singing “Happy Birthday” to you. However, while those feelings might be shoved down and hidden behind a mask of birthday indifference, they can’t be completely forgotten. But, they can possibly be crushed and destroyed. Imagine the secret joy as your birthday cake is brought out…and it’s not quite what you expected. In fact, it’s absolutely terrible. Since it’s your birthday you have the right to cry it out and the people who received these 15 birthday cakes most certainly did.
Painfully honest
Via: imgur.com
Whether they’re about a coworker, a family member or even a friend, we all know that there are certain thoughts we have about people that are best kept to ourselves. So, whoever had the crazy idea to be brutally honest on poor Eric’s birthday needs a little lesson in manners. Not only is this an awful thing to say to anyone at any time, but a person’s birthday is definitely not the time to bring this up, no matter how much of a failure at life they are. Though, doesn’t this remind you of a cake that Parks and Rec’s April Ludgate would give to Jerry? She’s probably the only person that could get away with it. Otherwise, save the blunt opinions for your journal and be nice to Eric on his birthday!
Olaf The Monster
Via: instagram.com
So, we’re pretty sure that some poor child asked for an Olaf cake on their birthday and this is what they got. We can think of two reasons why this is so. One is that their parent got overly ambitious about their baking skills and ended up with this monstrosity. The second is that their parent completely ran out of time, so they did the best they could to create Olaf with their limited tools, ingredients and skills. No child deserves that. If your child asks for an Olaf cake, give them a real honest to goodness Olaf cake—not something that probably haunts their dreams. Seriously, if it weren’t for the carrot, this would bear no resemblance to a snowman whatsoever (it’s yellow, for crying out loud!).
The clown
Via imgur.com
We’re not sure if this cake was meant for a child or for an adult, but it would make either cry. Just look at those fangs…and the crazy eyes! We picture a clown birthday cake being something sweet and funny with rainbow hair, big eyes and a shiny red nose that possibly squeaks. But, somebody wasn’t with us on that nice clown train when they heard “clown cake.” This cake belongs at a Halloween party, not a birthday party. Or, you know, just skip the parties altogether and let this clown cake go straight to the garbage because there is no guarantee that it won’t possess you if you eat it. It’s probably poisoned for laughs. ‘Cause evil clowns poison birthday cakes, right?
Lazy mom win
Via: old.bored.com
Never has a cake said so much in so few words. You can just see some white-haired old mama thinking, “Ain’t no way I’m staying up until one a.m. making a birthday cake again.” So instead, she drank wine and read the next chapter of her novel while a cake from a box baked in the oven. After that, it was time for her endearing bedtime message. At least she did the birthday kid the courtesy of turning the cake out of the baking pan so she could ice it completely. Just goes to show how much this mom loves her child. It makes you wonder what she did the next year. Maybe it was a blank cake, or maybe there was no cake at all. No cake is the saddest of them all.
Poop cake
Via old.bored.com
This cake was almost too awful to include. Sure, you could argue that it’s a masterful work of art in terms of creativity and fondant, but the subject matter is just wrong, plain and simple. Let’s ask you this: who wants a toilet cake for their birthday? Bathroom humor should be left out of every birthday celebration, but when you aim it at the birthday person, you’ve absolutely crossed the line. Also, you’re going to be left with the bowl once the party is over because no one is going to want a piece of poop cake on their plate. We would warn that you’ll end up throwing it out because even you won’t want to eat it. So, just spare everyone and trade this cake for one that you’ll enjoy every last bite of.
Hooters baby
Via; 11points.com
At first glance, you might wonder what’s wrong with this cake. But, upon closer inspection, you’ll realize that it says “Happy 1st birthday.” Just let that sink in for a minute. Seriously? We suppose that maybe this cake was for a Hooter girl’s baby, so maybe it was the Hooter’s staff family that put this together…but that’s probably the only situation where this would be acceptable. And even that sounds like something from a movie. No, it was probably just some dummy who thought this was a good idea. They need to be gently corrected and have their faces gently shoved into this cake. Even if a one-yearold doesn’t know what Hooters is; let the little man keep his innocence as long as possible.
Cake order fail
Via: ViralNova.com
Let’s all collectively facepalm. You would think that icing cakes isn’t hard, but apparently it is for some people (along with reading). It’s safe to say that they might have even been high or drunk when they made this cake. And they probably stood back and called it a masterpiece. However, not only are there no stars and sprinkles on the cake, but the words also tell you what kind of cake you’re missing out on. There’s an exclamation point, which means somebody really wanted stars and sprinkles. They’re probably shattered. Seriously, these cake order fails make you afraid to ever order a cake for anyone’s birthday again. In fact, just to play it safe, throw away the cake man’s number and make all future birthday cakes yourself because with a stunt like this, no one is safe.
The no no cake
Via: imgur.com
Feel free to take a moment of silence for the death of common decency. It’s hard to believe that someone actually uttered the words, “Hey! Let’s make Linda an ovaries birthday cake! That’s a great idea!” Really? This is possibly an impatient grandparent cake, but it was most definitely thought of and created by a man because no normal, sober woman would think this is a good idea. Girls feel their age more often than not. It haunts them in the mirror every morning and they band together in sympathy for wrinkles. So, you don’t need to remind them that we’re getting up there, Uncle Joe. They have enough problems in life and don’t need reminding that aging ovaries is one of them.
Unrecognizable Bob
Via: pleated-jeans.com
SpongeBob is a great idea for a cake, being a simple square with no fancy shapes or lines. However, this SpongeBob didn’t make the cut. You have to wonder if somehow this SpongeBob got involved with the wrong kinds of people—like a mob of hungry kids or a large dog with a sloppy tongue. Or, maybe he was left in the hot car too long. Whatever the case, the end result for this poor kid’s party is pretty hideous and whoever made this cake has probably learned their lesson. At the very least, they can be thankful that it wasn’t an ice cream cake or the results might be even more disastrous. It might look like a goopy poop cake…so gross.
One joke too far
Via: old.bored.com
Yeah, we chuckle at the Maxine comic strip. Her dry humor, with a tinge of truth, can be a welcome lift for any work week. But, to present the birthday girl with a cake that jabs at her age is probably—no, definitely—a bad idea. There is a reason that women lie about their age—it’s so that they won’t have to be the center of jokes like this. Give a girl a break. How about giving her a cake with the cat and dog from Mutts on it or Garfield? Or, maybe just give her a kitten instead of a cake. Yeah, let’s start giving kittens instead of terrible cakes because kittens are never a bad idea. That is, unless she’s allergic. If that’s the case, go with a nice flower-covered ice cream cake.
Birthday code
Via: turborotfl.com
All together now: WTF! It’s bad, yet kind of funny, when you see cakes where they wrote the directions in icing instead of just the message. But, this is totally unreadable. In fact, this is just a complete disaster. Somebody royally messed up what could have been a beautiful cake. So, the question is: did they scrape off the code and serve a strangely decorated cake or did they serve it as is? Because you would think they wouldn’t dare put it in front of Aunt Elsa like that! This is just one more reason to bake every birthday cake yourself from now until eternity. You just can’t trust anyone, especially high-tech bakeries.
Dumbo’s dreams
Via: cakewrecks.com
With the martini glasses and the drunken pink elephant sprawled across the top, you just know that this cake was intended for some girl’s 21st birthday. Shameful, is all we have to say about that. Well, actually that’s not all we have to say. Everyone knows that a legal drink on your 21st birthday is expected, nay, encouraged. But, encouraging excessiveness when you’re on the cusp of adulthood? Let’s think again, shall we? I’m not suggesting we start giving 21-year-old women Barbie cakes or My Little Pony cakes, but pink elephants might be taking the party a little too hard, right out of the gate. Let them grow up slowly and figure it out as they go along, instead of encouraging them to spend the morning after their 21st birthday puking over the toilet.
Bloody Barbie
Via: cakecentral.com
We can all agree that Dexter is good looking, but serving up a “blood-soaked” cake for the TV show lover is a bit far fetched. Put chopped up Barbie in the mix and we’re outta here. Why couldn’t you serve a nice red velvet cake topped with your best impression of funeral flowers instead? You just had to steal a little girl’s Barbie to be used on a gruesome knife- topped cake, didn’t you? Be prepared for nightmares after this birthday because if they’re serving a cake like that, no doubt they have all kinds of other bloody dishes and terrifying decorations up their sleeves. You probably got the hint when you received the coffin-shaped invitation in the mail. Attend at your own peril. You might be the main course, because who knows where they’ll stop after Barbie?
Birthday toast
Via: reddit.com
We’re not sure which is the saddest prospect: the fact that some birthday person got the saddest cake on their 21st birthday or the fact that this photo exists. No seriously, look at it! That’s toast and mustard with a tea light on top. You could speculate that some nice person was bringing the birthday boy breakfast, but then you’d realize that toast with mustard isn’t appetizing at all. So, we have to conclude that whoever made this birthday toast was someone who didn’t care or completely forgot until the very last second (because it’s not that hard to make a birthday cake from a box). It makes you want to find this birthday person and give them a great big bear hug to make up for this birthday disappointment.
Cake in a box
Via: acidcow.com
Apparently, even making a birthday cake from box mix is impossible for some people. We’re not even sure how the universe could allow this to happen. Maybe the birthday person is up for some bad karma. This isn’t even a cake! This is someone holding the birthday person’s hopes and dreams and crushing them into oblivion. This is what wickedness looks like. Not only have they omitted the candles that make the eyes glow and the heart swell, but they’ve omitted the entire cake, icing and all! It is despicable in every form. No doubt that whoever did this has the birthday police onto their tracks and soon the recipient of this awfulness will be given their birthday justice. Then, the birthday fairies can come and make this birthday person a proper birthday cake, with candles and all.
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