These days, people seem to find a way to argue about everything, but there’s one force that can bridge the gap and unite us as one, no matter what our race, creed, color, sexual orientation, nationality or favorite NFL team: pizza. Everybody loves it, and if you say you don’t, you’re a bold dirty liar, and your bloodline shall be forever cursed to be hunted down by angry mobs and have their pants set aflame, because that’s what happens to dirty lying traitors to pizza kind! Sorry, where was I? Oh yes, everybody loves pizza. Maybe the only thing people love more than pizza is talking about how much they love pizza. And since this is the 21st century, when I say “talking,” I mean creating memes online. Here are some of the funniest memes out there celebrating our exuberant love for pizza.
Pizza Food Pyramid
Via: stuffpoint.com
Okay, so pizza isn’t exactly health food, but it’s not exactly a donut burger either. This diagram comparing pizza to the food pyramid pokes fun at its health benefits, but in truth, you really could say pizza is a balanced food that incorporates all of the major food groups. There’s bread/grain in the crust, dairy in the cheese, meat in the pepperoni, sausage, anchovies, muskox or whatever your preference is, plus – you can add veggies (onions, peppers, beets, tossed salad, whatever)! You can even throw on some fruit (tomatoes, after all, are fruits, or for you weirdo Hawaiian topping fans, there’s pineapple). In short, pizza is the perfect food. If it could pay your rent on time or provide you with a clean urine sample for your drug test, you wouldn’t need your louse of a roommate.
Personal Pizza
Via: thechive.com
I understand the concept of personal pizzas; conveniently sized pizzas big enough for just one person to eat. But when you think about it, they’re kind of bossy, aren’t they? Who are they to say how much you should eat? What if my stomach doesn’t even register food intake until I’m on “personal” pizza number two? That’s why the slogan above is so appropriate. Every appetite is different. One man’s XL could be another man’s personal pie. And doggonit, that sort of unfettered gluttony should be celebrated, not demeaned. There should be no “appetite shaming” going on. If someone can consume a 5,000-calorie snack on their way to a 10,000-calorie meal and wash it down with a sugary 2,000-calorie beverage without painting the walls with yack or slipping into a diabetic coma, I say more power to ’em. To each their own.
Pizza Math
Like crack, pizza is so addictive, it can make you desperate enough to do things you’d never thought possible. Like stealing from friends, pawning family heirlooms, and even solving complex mathematical problems. This one challenges us to figure out which slice of pepperoni pizza is the better deal. If I was in 9th grade geometry class, I could probably figure it out, but that part of my brain is now occupied by website passwords and Big Lebowski quotes. If nothing else, this shows that your old algebra teacher was right when he said that math is useful in everyday life. In truth, though, the answer doesn’t matter; for a mere 20-cents more, people will almost always buy the one on the right, because everyone prefers length over girth. Or so I’m told.
Fitness
Via: Pinterest
It’s good to see that humans aren’t the only ones seduced by the Italian wiles of pizza. This cute little doggie perfectly sums up our attitude towards the food of the Gods with a hilariously laid-back demeanor that channels his inner Joe Cool. At the same time, it shames the whole fitness craze, bucking the healthy eating trend by proudly proclaiming the pooch’s intention to cram the entire pie into his mouth. Of course, with the pizza being approximately the size of the dog’s body, it probably wouldn’t fit in his mouth, and any attempt to do so would likely end up in a doggy Heimlich maneuver. But on the bright side, all dogs go to Heaven, and what better way to go out than in a blaze of pepperoni glory?
One Pepperoni Pizza
Via: memecenter.com
I can only assume that this prank occurred in a very polite town, because in most places I’ve been to, the waiter and/or entire kitchen staff would have been lynched if they pulled this kind of stunt. In case you missed the gag, a customer apparently ordered “one pepperoni pizza,” and this troll of a restaurant served a pizza with exactly one pepperoni on top. The only possible way this would be acceptable is if the pepperoni was the size of the entire pizza, but that certainly wasn’t the case here. This is more like a cheese pizza that had a pepperoni accidentally fall on it. Who knows, maybe this was the result of a language mixup from a customer ordering a pizza in another country, although you have to wonder in what culture a single pepperoni would be a topping. This isn’t a topping; it’s a blemish.
Cutting Carbs
Via: Pinterest
Carbs, shmarbs. Who says they’re so bad? Nutritionists? They’re clearly part of some sort of worldwide anti-pizza conspiracy, no doubt tied to the Illuminati, and this meme cleverly captures the frustration over this anti-carb trend. First, calories were the bad guys of food, then it was fat, then sugar, then carbs. What’s next? Fiber? Look out, it’ll deplete your colon! Nutrition fads come and go; there are even products now that are proudly trumpeting the fact that they have “real” sugar, so how does that gel with the whole low-carb thing? I suppose if you want to enjoy pizza while still lowering your carb intake, you could avoid eating the crust, but that would be like watching a movie and then turning it off at the climax. You’d end up thinking Psycho was about a kind man whose crazy mom keeps killing people against his will.
First World Pizza Problems
Via: weknowmemes.com
We’ve all been there. You’re too tired, drunk, hungover, lazy or unwashed to leave the house to pick up a pizza, so you call to have one delivered. At some point, though, the realization hits you that the pizza won’t magically appear on your lap like a quarter from the Tooth Fairy. You still have to interact with the delivery guy, which means A.) you might want to pop in a breath mint, and B.) you can’t have your business hanging out in all its glory; this isn’t a cheesy porn movie, after all. And since it’s not a porno, you can’t pay for the pizza with your bod, so you’re going to need some money. Whether or not you use your body to earn that money is your business. I won’t judge. Much.
Decisions, Decisions
Sometimes in life, you’re asked to make difficult choices. Paper of plastic? Coke or Pepsi? Edward or Jacob? Kramer or Kramer? But pray you never have to make the ultimate decision, AKA the Sophie’s Choice of foods: pizza or burger. Anyone who makes you choose between these two staples of any red-blooded American’s diet is a sadistic maniac who deserves to be flogged in the streets like a heretic who claims that the Earth revolves around the sun. This meme perfectly illustrates how to deal with anyone who dares to step on that minefield of a decision: you simply don’t choose. You eat both, and you die happy doing so. Or, if you’re crafty enough to plan ahead, you can even make pizza burgers or flip it around for the burger pizza.
Kiss Cam
Via: Reddit
Ah, the kiss cam: every indoor sporting event’s stamp of approval to engage in awkward PDA while everyone around you awkwardly watches like extras in some abnormal Eyes Wide Shut party. It’s a clichéd and creepy ritual, so it’s refreshing to see this woman use the opportunity to declare her love for pizza. Sitting in the background of the cameraman’s apparent targets, a couple whose grossly enthusiastic make-out session makes me think this isn’t the first time they’ve done this. The woman, for some reason (maybe because she’s, like, the perfect woman?), already has two fist-fulls of pizza. As soon as the camera hits her, she’s ready to go and begins shoveling the slices into her mouth, barely even acknowledging that she’s being watched. She’s in her own world – a world of dough, tomato sauce, and melted mozzarella cheese – and we’re just along for the ride.
Diet Tip
Via: Facebook
Does anything satisfy those late-night food cravings better than a fresh, piping hot pizza? If you said “Yes, THREE fresh, piping hot pizzas,” you’re not alone, because ordering three whole pizzas so close to bedtime is a recipe for morbid obesity, even if you have a roommate to help you chow down. That’s because late-night binge eating leaves you no time to burn off those calories, since you’re likely to go straight to bed once you’re done, unless you’re an insomniac marathon runner. This meme succinctly points out a way you can avoid the trap of late-night binge eating: go to bed. Before your hungry little fingers can dial the local pizzeria, brush your teeth (no one wants to eat with minty breath), hop into bed, and enjoy having a fresh, piping hot bowl of sleep for dinner.
Pizza Tears
Via: ghettoredhot.com
Eating pizza is no game. It’s a way of life. You were either born to eat pizza or you weren’t. And those of you who eat personal pizzas or claim you’re full after eating just one slice weren’t born to eat pizza. The hardest of the hardcore eaters can devour an entire pie in one sitting (with perhaps the occasional, understandable bathroom break), and if you succeed in doing so, they earn a pizza tear tattoo. This, of course, is a take on the tear tattoo favored by gangsta types to signify they’ve killed someone, but really, which is more impressive: taking a life or downing an 18 inch with extra cheese? I think we all know the answer here, and while you’re at it, pour out some garlic butter dipping sauce for the homies who died trying to eat a whole deep-dish solo.
Pizza Lies
Via: Reddit
There is nothing more insulting than the image above. Please, excuse us for this monstrosity of a photo.
We don’t expect much from microwave pizza. The cheese is chewy, the crust is rock hard and the meat is, well, not meat. But there are times when even it fails to live up to its own low standards, and it certainly never comes close to what the picture on the front of the box portrays. Here’s an example of a particularly unappetizing frozen pizza that highlights the extent of the false advertising involved. It’s bad enough that the pepperoni is in tiny cubes, but they’re still not as plentiful as in the photo, and the cheese is so scarce, it’s like a diagram of male pattern baldness. And speaking of scarce, where the heck is the crust that they show on the box? Is it some sort of option that you can get if you pay extra, like a moonroof or a Baby on Board sign?
Pizza Bread
Via: memes.com
If you thought microwave pizza was bad, check out this pitiful concoction. The only place this would be an acceptable substitute for pizza would be prison, and even then, it’s a stretch. The recipe appears to be this: 1) take two slices of white bread, 2) top them with shredded cheese (they’re not even fully covered, and really, couldn’t you splurge for mozzarella instead of cheddar?), 3) add four pepperonis, and 4) cook it in a toaster oven until tears come streaming down your face over how sad this so called “pizza” is. Seriously, why not just leave off the pepperoni and call it grilled cheese? Why drag pizza’s name through the mud like this? Even Chef Boyardee thinks this is demeaning to Italian cuisine, and his food tastes like spaghetti for dogs.
Life’s Little Miracles
Besides being a balanced meal, one reason pizza is the perfect food is that it can be eaten anytime, for any meal. Sure, lunch and dinner are the most traditional times to eat pizza, but who hasn’t woken up in the morning, opened the fridge, seen last night’s pizza box and thought to themselves, “why not? I’m a grown-ass person.” There’s something rebellious about eating cold pizza for breakfast; you think about all the times growing up when your mom told you that you couldn’t do it, and you smile. “Look at me now, ma! I’m on top of the world! And I’m eating cold pizza and a warm Red Bull!” Of course, once you get married, that will all go out the window again, and you’ll be forced to resume the facade that you’re a civilized human being.
Accidental Pizza
Via: craveonline.com
This meme points out one of life’s many pizza-related conundrums. It’s so much easier (and more fun) to make a baby than it is to make a pizza, and yet it’s so much easier to take care of a pizza than it is to take care of a baby. I suppose it’s for the best, though, because if having sex resulted in pizzas, the entire industrial world would collapse. With a constant supply of nookie and pizza, no one would ever leave their home. Granted, that’s still probably a better scenario than the other way around. That is, when you make pizza, you end up with babies. If that was the case, pizzerias would have to double as orphanages, and I can only imagine how long it would take for someone to begin wondering how babies taste with sausage and anchovies on top.
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