Thanksgiving is basically the kickoff for the holiday food season. After the turkey is eaten and the fridge is emptied, we embark into the magical land of peppermint bark and cheesecake and all the other rich holiday food you immediately think of when you hear the word “holiday.” This is why we attend the Christmas parties, after all. They are an excuse to eat platefuls of deliciousness, as we wrestle with our cold weather depression. But, some people didn’t get the “deliciousness” memo. Believe it or not, there are some people in the world that don’t even eat peppermint bark for Christmas. It’s an atrocity that Buddy the Elf would be ashamed of. Here are the weirdest and the wackiest Christmas foods that would make you want to stay home from all the Christmas parties.
Roasted Lamb’s Head
Via: mashable.com
Can you imagine sitting down to Christmas dinner and somebody passes you a pretty, holly-decorated plate with a lamb’s head on it? That’s how they do it in Norway. Out of all the parts of the lamb that you could eat for Christmas, they chose the head. Basically, they take Wilbur’s best friend, chop its head off, dry it, salt it and then boil or fry it, before serving it with a smile. And it gets worse. Some Norwegians leave the brains inside while the head boils, only to eat it later.
Umm…what? Who’s crazy grandmother decided that lamb’s head was a good Christmas delicacy? And how on earth has this dish become so popular that even tourists look for it if they’re spending Christmas in Norway? No…just no.
Shrimp Tree
Via: marinersmenu.org
Believe it or not, this one is totally American. We would hazard that it came from the same brain that invented the cranberry sauce candles. Okay people, while this is nice to make your food look good on the buffet table, it is totally and completely overboard.
Trees are friends, not food. They’re to be decorated with lights and ornaments, not shrimp! Furthermore, why is the Christmas tree in the living room so insufficient that you must put a shrimp tree on the Christmas buffet table? We don’t understand. Also, a shrimp tree makes it really hard to eat more shrimp than your share because everyone will get to see exactly how many are missing. Let’s file this one away with the other crazy vintage food ideas and never ever bring it out again.
Holiday Pringles
Via: guff.com
What have we learned about weird-flavored food? Nothing good, obviously. Why is it that Americans seem to have this obsession with making junk food taste like other flavors? The combinations they come up with are so definitely wrong. We mean, mint chocolate Pringles? Come on. Pringles have such a distinct taste by themselves that we cannot imagine eating one that is supposed to taste like mint and chocolate (or sweet cinnamon for that matter)! Now if you want to eat Pringles for Christmas, we have no qualms with you. It’s your stomach and you can do what you will with it. But please, stick with cheddar, ranch or even regular Pringles and leave mint chocolate chip to the cakes and chocolate bark (if you like the flavor).
Aspic
Via: extracrispy.com
Let’s make one thing clear: Jell-O is delicious. In desserts, on a hot summer day, as a childhood snack—almost everyone loves the jiggly, clear dish of pure sugar. However, aspic is something totally different. Aspic is not sweet and delicious; it is not well-loved. Aspic is meat-flavored jelly, usually served on the holidays with various proteins and veggies trapped inside its jiggly, questionable mass.
We’re convinced that aspic was created as a mean joke on some poor Jell-O lover. You can imagine their face when they ate this savory blob, in place of what they thought would be a sugary delight. Even the name “aspic” doesn’t sound appetizing in the least. Maybe this year, you can convince your aspic-making great aunt to put away her aspic molds and make something with the sugary Jell-O instead.
Fried Moth Caterpillars
Via: mashable.com
Feel free to scroll right by this one (we almost did, because it is truly one of the weirdest and grossest Christmas food traditions we’ve come across). Apparently, these moth caterpillars are a staple in South Africa. Their harvest season lines up with Christmas, so while most of them are dried for winter fare, a few fresh ones are fried up and served for Christmas dinner.
While you can’t blame the people for using the resources they have, you can’t help but feel sorry for the poor children who are eating worms for Christmas. Let’s all start a community rescue project and send tons of delicious Christmas sugar cookies to South Africa so those poor worm-eating children can experience what a real Christmas should taste like.
KFC
Via: hongkiat.com
Here’s something interesting: while you’re eating your turkey for Christmas dinner, all the people in Japan are eating KFC for Christmas. The tradition was started decades ago and has been passed down through the years. Now, Christmas equals KFC for the Japanese. Lots of people even order their fried chicken Christmas dinner months in advance to ensure they won’t go without Colonel Sanders’ deep fried goodness on Christmas Day.
If you grew up with the Christmas turkey, it’s understandable that this tradition might seem a little odd and outlandish. Christmas dinner is supposed to be home cooked, right? Well, not necessarily. If the turkey is daunting for you this year, why not tell everyone you’re going to have a Japanese Christmas dinner instead? Go for the big bucket.
Fat
Via: mtlblog.com
Hold on. Isn’t the fat the part of the Christmas ham that we cut off when we eat? Well, it isn’t so for the Russians—they serve plates full of only the back fat from pigs. Let us say that again—only the pig’s back fat! Basically, here’s a plate of salty white goop that you won’t like the first time and probably not even the second time, but you’ll get used to it…because it’s tradition. Well, we say it’s time to screw this tradition. Who wants the part of the pig that you’ll be chewing the whole party long? Let’s make a new tradition of brown sugar-glazed ham without the fat, served with cheesecake and fried chicken. Now there’s a Christmas dinner you can be proud of.
Deep Fried Brussels Sprouts
Via: huffingtonpost.co.uk
We know, we know. We’re on the same page as you with this one. Why would anyone (besides the Grinch) ever want Brussel sprouts for Christmas? Brussels sprouts probably hold the world record for worst food ever, so we doubt that deep frying them could save them. But, we guess some people in England thought it was a good idea because they started serving them last year. It almost makes you want to make these yourself to see what all the hype is about…we said almost. Christmas is more about eating the rich foods that are sugary and full of calories (the ones that we wouldn’t indulge in on any other day). It’s imperative that we make a reason to wear our comfy pants for Christmas dinner. And nobody is going to be shoveling down the Brussels sprouts.
Bathtub-raised carp
Via: guff.com
That is a carp in a bathtub, you are not seeing things. People in the Czech Republic catch a carp a few weeks before Christmas and raise it in their bathtubs until Christmas Day. So basically, they can teach their children about fish and allow their kids to name it, feed it and play with it. Then, they kill the family pet for Christmas dinner. That’s just cruel and unusual parenting. There’s no doubt that fish is delicious and we think it’s definitely a satisfying alternative to the Christmas turkey. However, we would advise you to buy yours from the fishmonger, not teach your children to love and raise it before you kill it and fry it for supper. You’ll most likely give them nightmares and they’ll be crying for Flipper until New Year’s Eve.
Tuna Tree
Via: badanduglyofretrofood.com
If a shrimp Christmas tree wasn’t enough, there is also a tuna Christmas tree. And we devoutly believe there are several problems here. The first problem is that this exists. We already determined that the trees should stay off the Christmas buffet table. The second problem is that a tuna tree is almost worse because it looks like a mound of puke with a star on top. Sorry, grandma. Third, somebody had to actually take the tuna salad into their bare hands and shape it into a tree. We can’t imagine anything we’d rather do less than mold our Christmas food into a Christmas decoration. It’s unnecessary and to be honest, it’s uncalled for. And finally, how the heck do you eat this? Give your tuna trees a rest and stick with the cheese ball.
Purple Rice
Via: travelsupermarket.com
We had to look twice to make sure this wasn’t what we thought it was. Thankfully, it’s not. It’s just rice that has been molded into a cake and dyed purple. People in the Philippines eat this not just on Christmas, but in the days before too. While we love the idea of celebrating and eating Christmas food the whole week before Christmas Day, we don’t really relish the idea of eating purple rice for Christmas. Little kids might enjoy strangely colored foods but not our grown selves. Can you imagine serving this up to your Great Aunt Bertha on Christmas Day? We don’t think that would go over well. Let’s leave the purples, oranges and greens to the jelly desserts and serve the rice white.
Reindeer Paté
Via guff.com
This is an actual thing! You can actually buy this! What is paté exactly? For those of you who don’t know, paté is ground meat minced into spreadable paste. It’s like jelly or jam, but savory. And now you can buy the Swedish reindeer meat version. Some call this Arctic delicacy the perfect Christmas morning breakfast. But, we call it a monstrosity. It says on the can that it’s from a “farm raised relative of Rudolph!” So, you could possibly eat Rudolph’s cousin on your toast Christmas morning. Doesn’t that seem terribly ungrateful? Not only does meat jelly sound disgusting, you could be eating a relative of the sweet creature that you sing songs about and who helps bring you presents for Christmas. Can we just forget this ever happened and make classic cinnamon rolls instead?
Oysters and bread
Via wackyowl.com
Normally we try to imitate the French in their fashion and food sense and…well, basically everything else. But, Christmas dinner is where we draw the line. A classic French Christmas dish involves oysters and bread. Yes, raw sea creatures and a dry crust. That’s not exactly what we envisioned Christmas dinner in a French château to look like, so we’re a little let down. Who wants to go through all the work of eating oysters for Christmas? There are too many cups of hot chocolate to drink and too many presents to open! And if you’re going to have bread for Christmas, make sure it’s fresh, hot and buttery—not last night’s leftovers. Sure, splurge on some fancy French cheese, but let’s skip the oysters this year (and every year after).
Radish people
Via: travelbymexico.com
In Mexico, everyone just plays with their food for Christmas. December 23rd marks the Night of Radishes, where everyone makes elaborate figurines out of radishes. Seriously, they only use the radish bulb and leaves to make animals, people and places, usually linked to religious beliefs. Then, they take them to the annual Christmas market, where the figurines help attract customers to their other Christmas-worthy food. It’s kind of like America’s tradition of making gingerbread houses, except with more meaning. This is a sweet idea but we’re not sure we would want a radish man staring at us throughout Christmas dinner. We vote in favor of making a Night of Cheesecakes, where we all eat as much cheesecake as possible before Christmas. It would certainly be more delicious than radishes.
Fruitcake
Via cookdiary.net
You almost thought you made it out alive and then your great aunt hands you a log, wrapped in tin foil—the dreaded Christmas fruitcake. Why do they insist on blessing us with cake that’s filled with fruit and nuts? Would a chocolate cake with chocolate icing be so hard to make instead? And if there is any scent of alcohol, throw it out immediately. Fruitcakes that are made with alcohol can be stored for years, so you never know exactly how long your great aunt has been storing the cake you’re holding.
We don’t know about you, but fruitcake is one Christmas tradition that we could see die out, without any regret whatsoever. We would then be able to safely attend Christmas parties without receiving a crunchy log and having to fake a smile and the best “Thank you!” we can muster.
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