The Thanksgiving holiday always brings up daydreams of a perfect roast turkey, watching football as a family, and plate after plate of pie, piled high with whipped cream. But, while you are safely enjoying your green bean casserole and warm buttered rolls, other people are having to put up with some pretty disgusting Thanksgiving food. Why anyone would want to mess with the classic turkey and potatoes is beyond me, but some people do. And they mess with it bad. We’re talking side dishes made of Jell-O and combinations of Thanksgiving flavors that no sane person would try, even for a million dollars. Take a look at these 15 weird Thanksgiving dishes you would be horrified to find on your table this year.
Thanksgiving Turkey Cake
Via: chowhound.com
While the cake in the photo might look like some deliciously-iced carrot cake, that’s exactly what it isn’t. The layers are made up of turkey and stuffing. The icing is mashed potatoes. To top it all off, sweet potato casserole, complete with toasted marshmallows. Now, just stop for a second to think how deceiving this cake is. If your mother handed you a plate featuring a slice of this, you would probably take a bite believing it was some sweet baked confection. But, no—your hopes and dreams would be crushed as you realize it’s turkey and potatoes. Thanksgiving is about turkey, but this cake represents all the lies and betrayal of the world that we’d rather not think about on such a lovely day.
Turkducken
Via: foodnetwork.com
Wasn’t plain ol’ turkey good enough for Thanksgiving? Apparently not, because this main dish is a chicken inside a duck inside a turkey. Why? Turkey alone is a wonderful meat, especially when served on a bed of creamy mashed potatoes and smothered in gravy. It will put you right to sleep in front of the football game. But, some crazy person decided to thaw ALL the meat in the freezer for Thanksgiving and serve it all, put together. They might as well have wrapped it in bacon because they’ve included every other animal on the farm. Some of you Ron Swansons out there, who consider yourselves lovers of any and all meat, might be drooling at the sight of this seemingly harmless turkey with two other birds stuffed inside. Well, you can take your turkducken to your own unpatriotic Thanksgiving.
Cranberry Jell-O with Mayonnaise
via bustle.com
First of all, who likes cranberry salad, anyway? Weird people. And now that we have that out of the way, we can focus on this atrocity (because that’s what it is). Cranberry salad Jell-O is bad enough, but delicately topped with mayo… What? It’s basically something that should have never been in the first place, but it was (and it probably was on your great-great-grandmother’s Thanksgiving table). Cranberry is bad enough, but who eats cranberry Jell-O and says, “Oh, you know what would go great with this? Mayonnaise!” Of all the condiments in all the world, why mayonnaise? Maybe it was all just a publicity stunt for Hellmann’s to get people to buy more mayo for Thanksgiving, instead of the classic Miracle Whip. I guess that’s totally possible because I just can’t picture anyone really eating this.
Cupcake-Stuffed Turkey
Via: cupcakeproject.com
Hold up. Cupcakes? Inside a turkey? Somebody’s baker sister went bonkers. For some people, stuffing is bad enough. But, cupcakes are cupcakes—to be filled with sugar, iced, and placed on the dessert table, not inside the darn turkey! Now, nobody wants to eat those cupcakes. They’re gonna be all greasy and they’ll smell like turkey! Basically, they’ll end up in the trash, and that’s a promise. So, before you give the task of cooking the turkey to your very own bakerella, go have a few nightmares of this cupcake-stuffed turkey ruining your Thanksgiving and think again. Give her the task of baking the myriad of pies or even a Thanksgiving cake (but the turkey cake is off-limits). Just trust us, nobody wants cupcakes in their turkey this year.
Thanksgiving Ramen
Via: gothamist.com
Ramen sounds delicious any day of the week… unless it’s Thanksgiving ramen. Yep, some poor person thought it would be a good idea to make Thanksgiving-styled ramen, with all their Thanksgiving leftovers. We can confidently say that they thought wrong. There’s cranberries floating in there, along with turkey and wontons stuffed with something green.
Look, if you want to eat ramen the day after Thanksgiving, that’s your business. In fact, I’ll be happy to join you. But please, let’s leave Thanksgiving food out of this. You have no right to take an all-American holiday classic and destroy it by combining it with Asian-styled food. Let’s just eat our turkey on Thanksgiving and our ramen…not on Thanksgiving.
Tofurky and Gravy Soda
Via: delish.com
If you have no teeth, I guess I can understand the desire to drink your Thanksgiving dinner. Otherwise, get out. No one and nothing can replicate the flavor of real turkey and gravy. I’m a little hurt that Jones Soda thought it could try, though. They made limited-edition holiday flavors, including Turkey and Gravy, Green Bean Casserole, Mashed Potato and Butter, Cranberry, and Fruitcake. Then, they went so far as to make a Tofurkey and Gravy soda based off of a vegetarian Thanksgiving. Tofurkey is not the same as turkey and no one should be drinking a soda that mimics a Thanksgiving dish that mimics turkey. I just can’t explain how many levels of wrong that is. While you can still buy the odd bottle, it’s a good thing they discontinued the widespread release, or there might be a riot.
Lime Jell-O Salad
Via: noteggsontoast.wordpress.com
There are lots of stories about people who remember a lime Jell-O and cheese salad on their Thanksgiving tables. This is the kind of thing they’re talking about. Why people back in the day thought that everything needed to be served in Jell-O form, I will never know. But, they did. And that’s how this monstrosity was born. Cottage cheese is delicious and so is lime Jell-O, but not together! Oh, and it doesn’t end there. Sometimes, they added soggy canned fruit into the Jell-O mix with cottage cheese! What did we ever do to you, Aunt Agatha? Raise your hand if you are relieved beyond belief that we have passed up the make-everything-out-of-Jell-O phase. I’ve got both hands high in the air.
Powerade Marinated Turkey
Via: reddit.com
If you thought you’d seen everything, think again. You have probably never seen a purple turkey until now. Some self-proclaimed genius made a turkey marinated in Powerade. He was either blind so he couldn’t see the Powerade bottle or he was extremely overconfident. Or, his drunken buddies dared him to brine a turkey in Powerade. The latter would totally make sense. It would also make sense if his wife had him sleeping on the couch, beer-less and friendless, for several days. Why else would you do such a nasty thing to such a beautiful bird? It could have been roasted to a lovely brown and flavored with garlic and thyme. Instead, it’s purple and inedible. So much potential was wasted.
12-Layered Cheese Ball
Via: chowhound.com
They call this one the turkducken of cheese balls…and we all know how the turkducken turned out. Cheese balls are great, but this one with 12 layers takes things a little too far. If you’re wondering, these are the layers from the inside out: Bloomy-rind cheese, cream cheese, chorizo, manchego cheese, dried figs, emmentaler cheese, chopped chives and parsley, cheddar cheese, Asian pear, blue cheese, toasted walnuts, goat cheese, and finally, sliced almonds, pecans, and bacon. Basically, someone decided to use all the ingredients in their fridge to create a cheese ball that you don’t even need crackers for. Seriously, how can that be any good?
Glazed Carrot Potato Ring
Via: huffingtonpost.com
Hey, you mess with the potatoes, you get the wrath—especially on Thanksgiving. Surely, you know that one of the Thanksgiving commandments is, “Thy fluffy mountain of potatoes shall not touch any of thine vegetables.” In other words, you should always have a separate plate for mashed potatoes alone. And this potato ring with glazed carrots breaks the sacred potato commandment. Not only is it touching the glazed carrots, but it’s also a perfect ring. It will tell the whole family exactly how large their mashed potato portion is. That is unacceptable for Thanksgiving day. You have the right to eat all the mashed potatoes you want, without any judgement. So, just put the ring away and rest on the potato commandment as your excuse.
Ambrosia Salad
Via: foodnetwork.com
It boggles my mind that this is still found on Thanksgiving tables today. I really do not understand why. Ambrosia salad is basically canned fruit and marshmallows, smothered in a sort of sour cream sauce. It looks like My Little Pony’s puke, all pastel-colored and fluffy. Most likely, someone wanted to eat dessert for dinner, so they came up with this fiendish recipe. They probably thought they were beating this system, but were unaware that they were putting all children in agony. To this day, nobody really knows if it’s a side dish or a dessert. Honestly, it is insufficient as either. Move aside, ambrosia salad, and make room for green bean salad, corn casserole, or even another bowl of mashed potatoes. Almost anything else is preferable to pony puke.
Spam n’ Limas
Via: vintage-ads.livejournal.com
The idea of serving lima beans over green beans on Thanksgiving is just horrific on its own. But, lima beans with Spam? Spam is barely meat. And if you have a beautiful, roasted turkey on the table, why would you need to create another dish with meat in it? This one doesn’t make sense at all.
Everyone in my family looks forward to the green bean casserole with its savory gravy and crunchy topping. Green beans are classic and served every year. Maybe there’s some families out there that serve lima beans instead, but they’re obviously missing out—especially if they’re forcing the kids around their table to eat Spam, too.
Cherpumple
Via: huffingtonpost.com
You may have heard of this dessert before. Cherpumple is three different pies baked into three different cakes, which are layered on top of each other. With one bite of cherpumple, you’ll get the flavors of cherry pie, white cake, apple pie, yellow cake, pumpkin pie, and spice cake all at once. Oh, and icing, too!
Now, baking a pie into a cake might seem like a great idea on its own, but layering three different kinds on top of each other takes things a little far. It’s basically flipping off normal pie and that’s not very nice. Normal pie deserves more than that. After all, normal pie is delicious and absolutely recognizable on a plate (the latter of which should probably be the defining quality of all foods that grace your Thanksgiving table).
Thanksgiving Sushi
Via: thevulgarchef.com
You read that right. It’s another disaster made from Thanksgiving leftovers. Another experimental food lover decided to take the turkey, cranberry sauce, and stuffing and roll it in turkey skin. Then, smothered it in wasabi. Can I just ask…why? When did the simple delicious leftover turkey and Miracle Whip sandwich become blasé and uncool? What do you people have against turkey? Apparently it’s the same thing that the turkducken people have against it, or this wouldn’t have been invented. I say, again, leave the Thanksgiving food alone. Sure, you can put your turkey into your noodle soup or pot pie, but please don’t do this.
For the sake of our stomachs, let’s keep the good, old-fashioned tradition alive during Thanksgiving. Otherwise, people might be afraid to stay at your house after the holiday.
Cranberry Jell-O Candles
Via: bonappetite.com
That is it. Not only are people serving cranberry Jell-O salad, they’re making it into a decor statement, too! Where do we draw the line?! I mean, using fake cranberries in your decor is surely allowed and if you must have cranberry salad for a complete Thanksgiving, I won’t be the one to stop you. But lighting your food on fire seems like a bad idea all around, from every possible angle. Serve this to your guests if you want them to question your sanity.
Seriously, trust me when I say that you will be eating all your cranberry salad candles by yourself when the party is over. Stop the madness. Get some real wax candles that aren’t for eating and forget about the cranberry salad.
The post 15 Weirdest Thanksgiving Dishes You Won’t Want On Your Table appeared first on TheThings.