It’s one of life’s inconvenient truths: some of us are just more dedicated to food than others. If you’re someone who’s always hungry, you understand the pain of suddenly realizing you’re in a group (or family, or romantic relationship) of people who aren’t quite as concerned as you are about the next time you’ll be able to eat. What are these people thinking? Where do their priorities lie? Who hurt them? No one can say. If you don’t understand the struggle, you’re clearly part of the problem, and you should educate yourself immediately. But if you’re one of the constantly hungry, you’ll recognize these truths all too well:
Hanger is a real and constant threat.
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If you go too long without eating, you will certainly succumb to hanger, the life-threatening phenomenon of hunger-induced anger. You’ll lose the ability to remain calm and polite around others, growing crankier as your stomach threatens to begin digesting itself. If you let your hanger go unchecked for too long, you’ll lash out at those who love you and only want you to be happy. This is the risk you must live with, the cross you have to bear, and it can make your friends and family a bit wary of you.
Travelling is extra stressful.
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Literally every aspect of travelling already sucks. Sitting for hours while on a plane, train or car is awful, but we all have to do it – or settle for Pittsburgh for the rest of our days. But if you’re always hungry, you have that to think about while you travel. Are the measly airline snacks really going to be enough to satisfy you on this three-hour flight? Or will you inevitably de-board looking and feeling like you’ve been starving for months? How can you make it from one city to another on a train if you don’t know exactly where the dining car is before you board? This food-related panic often means you’re willing to spend seven dollars on a small serving of potato chips in an airport convenience store, but these are the kind of sacrifices you must make to keep yourself satisfied.
Others will judge you.
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Apart from the physical woes, being constantly hungry means that you’ll inevitably run into people who are surprised or horrified at how often you need to eat. “But we just had lunch forty-five minutes ago,” they’ll say, squinting at you in confusion when you announce that you could really go for some Belgian waffles. “You already had dessert,” they’ll insist. “Please stop asking me to make brownies at three in the morning. Also, get out of my bedroom.” This negativity can be exhausting, but you must try not to let the haters bring you down.
You eat every meal like it’s your last.
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Since you spend so much time thinking about eating, when you do finally secure some food, you can’t help but relish it. This means that you frequently look like a rabid animal when you’re going to town on a meatball sub. The way most people look at their newborn children is the way you look at a waiter as he approaches with your appetizer. Apparently this makes some people uncomfortable, but they simply don’t understand. Food is the best thing in this world; why would you act like you don’t appreciate it when you get your hands on some? Especially if you aren’t sure when you’ll be able to eat next.
It can put a strain on your romantic relationships.
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Let’s just face the facts here: if your significant other is not constantly hungry, things probably aren’t going to work out. It’s just not realistic. What if you got married, and then your new spouse didn’t want to eat six slices of the admittedly crappy cake? What if they spent the reception dancing and talking with friends and family instead of pursuing the passed appetizers with the gusto of a seasoned homicide detective? If you’re always hungry, you must try your best to only date others who are always hungry. If you find yourself on a date with someone who’s like, “No thanks, I don’t need a box for my leftovers, just throw them out,” run. You’ll never understand each other, so just let go now. It’s for the best.
Picky Eaters Confuse and Upset You
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If there’s anything that angers the constantly hungry, it’s picky eaters who make the food-acquisition process longer and more painful for everyone around them. Anyone who stands between you and your next meal is on shaky ground already, but the picky eaters are the hardest to forgive, because they know what they’re doing. Your friend who has very special, specific food orders is your least favorite friend. Yes, Stephanie, it actually is too much trouble to bring you the bacon cheddar burger with no bacon and the condiments on the side, no matter what this kind waitress says. Why do I keep going out to lunch with you?
Similarly, Children Confuse and Upset You
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One of the great mysteries of this life is why kids are so difficult to feed. They’re so young and innocent, they have nothing of substance to worry about, they don’t have to care about dieting yet, and it is someone else’s job to provide them with food. Like, every day. But they don’t appreciate this perfect situation at all. They either dislike very obviously delicious things, or care so little about eating that they leave food behind on their plates. Some kids are just plain not interested in food. You have to force them to eat dinner, like it isn’t the best part of the whole day. For these reasons, it can be difficult for you to dine near children without 1) commenting on their food ignorance, 2) taking their leftovers for yourself, or 3) both.
You Always Want to See the Dessert Menu
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It’s the most stressful moment of any restaurant experience: when your server asks the group if anyone is interested in dessert, and you certainly goddamn are, but you know your Aunt Linda is about to decline the offer on everyone’s behalf with a very dramatic, “I couldn’t eat another bite!” and you’ll have no choice but to nod along solemnly and watch your chance for molten lava cake walk away. It should be a written law that aunts are not allowed to pull that crap at family gatherings. In fact, the dessert menu should just stay on the table at all times, from the beginning of the meal to the sweet, chocolatey end. This doesn’t have to be a problem, society. We can be better than this.
You Have Strong Food Opinions
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Since your relationship with food is the longest-running and most precious relationship of your life, you’ve naturally developed some strong opinions on what you like to eat and what you want to stay away from. You’ve narrowed down your in-bed-watching-Netflix snacks more specifically than other people have, for example. You don’t just want Triscuits in bed; you want the Tomato and Sweet Basil Triscuits with accompanying mozzarella cheese. You’ve done the research. You know your favorite meal of the day and have for several years. You know your first, second and third favorite options at each of the restaurants you frequent in your neighborhood. You are always prepared to make a food-based decision, but sometimes you’re the only one.
But You Rarely Say “No” When Someone Offers You Treats
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Even though you know what you like, you have enough respect for food not to say no when it’s offered to you, barring extreme circumstances . If someone has been kind enough to share their sub-par Triscuit choice with you, you’ll do the noble thing and eat more than half of them. On a related note, sometimes you’re willing to share other people’s food even when they haven’t technically offered any to you yet. We can all enjoy all the snacks, guys. There’s no need to be a snob.
You Sometimes Choose Food Over Friends
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In moments of weakness, you’ve been known to order an entire pizza for yourself and stay in watching TLC, even though your friend from college is having a birthday party that almost seems like it’s going to be fun, despite the fact that last year, it was definitely not fun since nobody brought any chips or dip. Sometimes, making a choice like this is unavoidable because of your commitment to food. You’re not made of stone.
You’d Rather Eat Than Drink
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Maintaining a colorful social life can be difficult if you’d always rather dive into some nachos than go out to a bar that will only be offering you liquid nourishment. Your friends tend to be confused by your reluctance to go out unless they promise that you can all get fries on the way home from the bar. As far as you’re concerned, the best part of drinking is drunk-eating, and you’re not putting pants on for anything less. This means you’re vulnerable to missing out on some fun evenings, but how much positivity are you really going to contribute to the environment if you’re starving?
The Very Word “Diet” Makes You Anxious
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Diets are actually the worst, and the concept of limiting food intake is something you’ll never be able to wrap your head around. Yes, the results of dieting are probably very enjoyable, both in terms of physical appearance and physical health. And yes, it would probably be good for your future if you ate less cheese and forced yourself to drink kale smoothies more often. But the idea of not eating every time you feel like it is just too painful to confront. You’ve most likely watched your close friends and family members struggle through fad diets and wondered, “How can they think a bikini body is worth all this suffering?” It’s best not to ask them that question out loud, though, because they’re very hungry and emotionally vulnerable. Try your hardest to keep your confusion to yourself.
You Know Not Everyone Understands You
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Your situation can get lonely, especially if you’re the odd person out among your friends or family. It can be difficult to stay strong when you’re surrounded by people who actually recognize when they’re full, or can trust themselves at a buffet, or have never ordered more tacos than the typical amount people order and been judged hard by the guy working at the taco truck. But you know who you are, and you can own your food lover status with a Beyonce-like level of confidence most of the time.
But You’re Sure Someday You’ll Find Your Food Soulmate
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Being constantly hungry is an ongoing struggle, especially in a world where food isn’t always ready at your fingertips. But, though you sometimes feel lost, you can rest easy knowing that someday, when the stars align, you’ll find someone equally hungry to spend your life with. Even if your other priorities may not always match up, as long as you two agree that food is the most important thing in the world, you’re certain to find eternal, delicious happiness together. Then you can finally start living the life of acceptance that you both deserve.
The post 15 Struggles You’ll Understand If You’re Always Hungry appeared first on TheThings.